I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
