After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
