so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
