I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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