it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
