Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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