apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
