WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
