I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
