Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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