do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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