This girl is more easily done than said...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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