quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
