He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
