Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
