I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need mimosas to revive my soul
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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