my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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