You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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