Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
