THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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