SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
