He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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