Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
