worst night to have a conscience
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
