Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
