Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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