No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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