last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
