If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
