I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
