i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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