do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
