Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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