I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
