so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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