I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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