dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
