who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
