I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
