My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
