I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
