a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
