i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
