A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
