so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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