I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
