My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
FUCK WHALES
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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