is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
