beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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