I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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