My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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