There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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