i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
