she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Found the puke drawer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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