you guys were way drunker than both of me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
