you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
