Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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