I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
