So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Houston, we have a squirter
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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