they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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